Daily Wahnsinn

Ugh. I feel so fat and ugly today. I know it’s just bloating and the fact that I ate a lot (of healthy food) after my 10 mile run yesterday. I also know that my 0.2 lbs gain was not a real gain. But damn, I feel awful.

As mentioned yesterday, I was a little anxious about today’s weigh in. While I exercised a lot, stuck to my daily points and generally ate very well, I wasn’t sure whether I’d drank enough water to countervail the potential water retention. Well, apparently I did. I was down 1.4 lbs this morning and stand now at a weight of 144.4 lbs. I’m extremely excited and proud. With every pound I lose, I’m setting a new lowest ever weight as an adult and it feels good. I’m so close to goal that I can almost taste it. I have less than 15 lbs to go and less than 4 lbs until a healthy BMI. I don’t think I’ve ever been at a healthy BMI in my life. (I know that the BMI concept is flawed, but I still think it’s a fair guidance for a rough weight range.)

What’s been working for me:

• Lots of exercise. I exercised pretty much every day, mostly running which is a high intensity form of exercise.
• Calculating my activity points differently. When doing Weight Watchers, you can look up certain activities, enter the time you spent doing that activity and then it gives you the points you’ve earned based on your current weight, age and gender. That said, Weight Watchers’ calculations seem to be off by a few points, mostly they over-estimate the intensity, i. e. they give you more points than you’ve earned. You can try and estimate the intensity yourself, but that can get hard. Was that yoga class 20 minutes low intensity and 40 minutes moderate intensity or was it 25 low and 35 moderate? Last week, I’ve been using my heart rate monitor during all of my workouts and then I’ve used a formula I heard mentioned by Weight Watchers leaders to calculate my points based on the calories I burned. (1 Activity Point per 80 calories.)
• Staying within my points limit. Ever since the Weight Watchers change for their 2012 program, I’ve been downgraded from 29 to 26 points. This week I tried sticking to the 26 for the first time since I had stuck with 29 over the Christmas break. Anyway, when they announced the decrease in points just before Christmas, I had a minor freakout because I felt like I was still hungry all the time on 29 points, so how would I do with even less? Answer is, I actually did fine. I cut out on a lot of mindless snacking in the afternoon. Fact is, I’m not a snacker. I come from a culture where people don’t generally snack. Believe it or not, people can also lose and maintain weight on 3 big meals rather than 5 small ones. Because, you know what, you do not kill your metabolism if you don’t eat every 3 hours. Just like you don’t make it faster by eating every 3 hours. For me, snacking meant that I added calories to my day that I didn’t really need. I ended up just as satisfied eating 3 larger meals. I always end up eating all of my activity points but other than that, I stayed within my daily limit. Apparently that worked. I ate cake twice this week. Hm.
• Bring my own food. I brought lunch to work every single day last week and I also prepared my own meals at home at night. I only ate out once on the weekend and the fact that I planned, portion controlled and knew exactly how much I was eating made it a lot easier to stay on top of things. I didn’t eat perfectly, but I ate pretty damn well. Despite the cake. Twice.

I got this.

Today’s my first day back at work and since it’s a Tuesday, it’s also my first day back at Weight Watchers. I was anxious to get back on the scale and see how I’d done over the holidays. My last official weigh in was on 12/13 and I weighed in at 146.6 lbs. I stepped on the scale at my parents’ place and I also discovered that we apparently do have a scale at our NY apartment. I never used them on the same day as weighing in at WW, so I had no idea how accurate they were. So when my weight was around 145 – 147 lbs, I wasn’t stressing over it.

This morning I weighed in at 145.8 lbs, meaning I lost 0.8 lbs within the last few weeks.

This was not expected. I’m obviously happy about it, especially since my goal for December was to maintain. Maintain over the holidays specifically. I knew there were going to be many treats, my mom’s cooking,  alcohol, maybe laziness. So the fact that I had (almost all) of these things and yet lost some weight is a giant win in my book. I did not have to say no to a lot of things, I indulged and treated myself and I enjoyed myself. I still tried to be mindful about what I eat and I made sure that the things I did treat myself to were worth it. I balanced with additional exercise and I’m now back to my 12/1 weight, my all-time low. And I like it.

I’m confident that I can tackle the last 15 lbs and that I can get where I want to be soon.

Weight loss, funny how that works.

Last week I had a pretty okay week, yet I ended up gaining 2 lbs. This week was really shitty, yet I ended up losing 1.2 lbs. My eating has been awful, exercise has been almost non-existent. I know that sodium intake, hormones, all these things influence the weight of that particular moment when you step onto the scale. However, it’s still funny seeing it reflected again and again.

I never made an official goals post for December, but my only goal for the month will be to maintain or at least control the gain. I don’t want to limit myself to the point where I feel stressed. I want to enjoy the things my mom cooks. I want to enjoy a handful of Plätzchen, Glühwein and Christstollen. I want to sit down with my family and have a glass of wine on Christmas Eve. Maybe even 2. I want to meet people I haven’t seen in nine long months for brunch and dinner and drinks and I want to enjoy myself. My best friend is coming to NY after Christmas to stay with me for a few days and I plan on making her walk everywhere. So even if I go a little overboard for the holidays, I have plenty of time to make up for it and control the weight gain.

I’m flying home tomorrow night and I barely can wait. It’s been so long. Obviously, watch me bitch about my family after having been with them for only a couple of hours, but until then, I’m excited and giddy. ;o)

I have a business dinner to go to tonight and I’m pretty excited about it. I decided to keep the black, strapless dress with the bow in the front and I can’t wait to wear it. Thanks everybody who shared their thoughts on which one to keep. I wish I could have just bought all of them. And thanks for the many kind words I received. You guys are fabulous!

I have no idea what the fuck happened. But apparently I’ve lost 3 lbs since last week. I had a largish loss of 1.2 lbs last week and with it being Thanksgiving and all (I did not say no to any cake!), I was expecting a gain or even just maintenance. I did not anticipate a loss and especially not such a great one. I have no idea what’s been going on with my weight, but honestly, I’m happy that the number finally seems to be catching up with what I’ve been seeing with my body. I’ve continued doing what worked well last week: I cooked, I exercised (running and strength training – it really does make a difference!), I indulged. For the last two weeks, I ended up eating back pretty much all my activity points, making up for the fuel I had lost during working out. It seems to be working for me.

I also didn’t have a lot of business dinners to go to – something that always throws me off a little. I have one for tomorrow and then a tea party on Saturday. There’s one more on 12/13 and then I fly home for the holidays. I’ll talk about December goals a little more in a couple of days, but the last few weeks have given me great confidence that I can do this and get through holiday season all right. I’m now 5 lbs away from a healthy BMI and about 15 lbs from my UGW. I still can’t believe it.

I have officially lost a total of 50 lbs.

My last few weigh ins have been kind of meh, but this week was a great success. I’m down 1.2 lbs from last week, now at my lowest weight ever of 148.8 lbs. It also marks my 10% goal, i. e. having lost 10% of my original weight since restarting Weight Watchers in May. Overall, I’ve lost 47 lbs since January and 16 lbs since May. I’m quite honestly just happy that my weight is finally reflecting some of the changes I’ve seen in my body. I’ve not been too concerned about the number recently because obviously, how you look and how strong you are is more important than the number, but I’m not going to lie, it is  nice finally seeing the number go down again a little.

Things that seem to have worked:

• I worked out more. I exercised every day, Tuesday through Monday. Running every second day, yoga or strength training in the days between. At least 30 minutes of exercise as a minimum.
• I continued eating well, except for that one day. I generally ate a little more, usually going over my daily points by 2 -5 to eat back some of the activity points I had earned. I felt more hungry and tried to listen to my body. I think that worked well this week.
• I cooked more myself. I spent a shitload of money at Whole Foods lately, but at least I have yummy, healthy things in my freezer now that I can take to work on days when I’d usually go out and buy lunch. I have green bean salads, stews, will make some squash things to freeze. More broccolini. It’s good.
• I indulged. I ate some cookies. And Luna bars. On the weekend, I ate a muffin.
• I was happy. Happy with my body, my accomplishments and the decisions I made.

I have Wednesday through Sunday off, so I’m sure I can get in some exercise. I plan on running tomorrow, Thursday and then some time during the weekend. The off days probably will be spent strength training at home. My goal for next week will be to maintain through Thanksgiving. I don’t plan on pigging out but I also don’t plan on restricting myself. Let’s see how that goes.

Today’s weigh in wasn’t too shady. After having gained for two weeks in a row, my weight finally went down again this week. I lost almost a pound and am now under 150 lbs again. I managed to avoid Snotty Receptionist and weighed in with another receptionist who was very sweet and mentioned how I excited I seemed over having lost 0.8 lbs. I guess most people don’t get excited over this. I told him how I’d been plateauing, how frustrating my last few weeks have been because I’ve been very active and eating well, yet the scale hasn’t been a good indicator. We chatted for a little bit and off I went, all happy about my 0.8 lbs loss. Funnily enough, today’s meeting topic was about how to keep track of the larger picture and not to get hung up on the weekly weigh ins. This is something I’ve become pretty good at – both looking at my overall loss and looking for the NSVs.

That said, there’s this new guy in my group (he’s a big guy who’s got quite a bit to lose) who said today that he lost 4 lbs this week and that he’s lost about 16 lbs in one month. Hah. I haven’t lost this much accumulated since May. No, really I haven’t! When asked what he changed, he mentioned that he replaced the two bottles of regular soda he drank for water. Obviously his situation and background is totally different from mine (he’s a guy, he’s not as close to his goal weight as I am, he’s just starting so his body still reacts more strongly to healthy choices, etc.) but I can’t help but compare myself to him and all the other people who lose over a pound week in and out. I know I shouldn’t do it because my weight loss is my weight loss and it’s my body, but I do have to admit that I get envious occasionally when I hear well it seems to be working for everybody but me.

Somewhat unrelated, I’m finally moving this weekend. I’ve requested Friday off to pack (and go for a run beforehand!) and then on Saturday is the big day. I’m still officially paying rent until the 15^th and I don’t start paying rent at the new place until then, so it all works out perfectly. My current roommate continues having this weird interest in my life and it’s awkward. I think she’s giving up the space and is looking to move into a one bedroom or studio somewhere else because she currently apparently can’t seem to find anybody to take over my room. She’s also not trying very hard to find someone. Like all things in her life, she likes to take it easy.

I’ve been having huge issues with the fact how unsanitary she is. I think I mentioned that she has issues with doing her dishes or even wiping down the counters after she’s cooked/dumped her takeout from the bag onto a plate and how I’ve just stopped cleaning up after her. There’s also obviously the issue with the dog and the fact that he eats his food on the sofa (he grabs a bite, jumps onto the couch, drops half of the food and eats it from the sofa) and that he rubs his butt on the sofa after she’s walked him. I haven’t sat there in a long time without spraying Lysol all over it. And, my favorite, the fact that she never seems to wash her hands after she used the bathroom. Overall, she’s just a gross, poorly educated and mannered person.

So yes, Saturday will be my favorite day of the week. On Sunday I plan on watching parts of the Marathon and cheering on runners. The final strip is actually close to my new place, so I’ll make sure to be outside and cheer on people as they have the last few meters to run.

Tonight I’ll hopefully have time for a run and will update with November goals since I missed posting October goals.

I was late for my Weight Watchers meeting, so when I got there, there was no way for me to avoid Snotty Receptionist. I ended up weighing in with her and it was the usual annoyance. She didn’t lecture me about my water intake but she didn’t speak up so when she told me that I’d gained 0.2 lbs, I heard wrong and thought I had lost 1.2lbs. I got excited and then I got annoyed. Hah.

I’m not bothered by the small gain because I’ve had a couple of great NSVs this week, like running two 10ks, like signing up for a half marathon and a 10 k race, like buying a skirt in a size 4 at Banana Republic, like generally feeling my clothes fitting more loosely or like being able to meet a friend for tea, scones and sandwiches and enjoying it guilt and stress-free. If I look at my weight loss for the last 4 weeks, it’s a total of 2 lbs/0.5 lbs average per week, which is quite honestly fine with me. Sure, I’d rather have a loss of 1 lb per week, but I know that the closer I get to my UGW, the harder my body will cling to my additional fat. I feel fitter and stronger than I have ever before and slowly but surely weight loss is becoming a side-product of my journey instead of the main goal.

Probably my highlight of my week was what another Weight Watchers member said to me. At the end of each meeting, our meeting leader asks whether anybody has anything to celebrate. It can be a scale or a non-scale victory and after plateauing for almost 2 months, I was happy to tell him that I had a big loss last week and that I also did my first race. My leader likes pointing out the success I’ve had so far (which is a total loss of 46.4 lbs since January) and after the meeting, one of the lifetime members came up to me and asked for how long I’d been overweight. I told her pretty much all my life and we chatted a little bit about it. She congratulated me on my loss and complimented me on what a beautiful girl I was, how beautiful my face and hair were. I might have done a little dance of joy on the inside.

Awesome, right?

Today’s the last day of my mini-staycation and there was no way I was getting up for my usual Weight Watchers meeting at 8 AM. Instead, I slept in a little until 9, got dressed and went to a WW center near my apartment to weigh in.

When the receptionist asked me how my week was, I told her that I had mixed feelings because my week could have been so much better. There was the huge bag of popcorn I shouldn’t have eaten at the movie, the second glass of wine I shouldn’t have had at the business dinner and the gigantic pile of fries I shouldn’t have eaten during Happy Hour. Instead, I should have worked out more than I did (though to be fair, I was tapering for the race and it turned out to be a wise decision).

So when I stepped on the scale and saw that I lost 2.8 lbs, I had to do a double take. All I had wanted was to maintain this week. I nearly glomped the receptionist in joy! Last week, I hadn’t lost by far as much as I had anticipated, given how that week went, so I’m assuming the 2.8 lbs is a result of both weeks. Maybe it’s also partly because very early weigh ins don’t suit my body. When I weighed in after work in Germany, my weight fluctuated a lot less than it does here, so who knows. I’m just happy that what I’ve been feeling and seeing is finally being reflected on the scale this week.

And btw, the 2.8 lbs loss actually puts be below 150 lbs for the first time ever. This is huge. I am now at 149.2 lbs and a total of 46.6 lbs lost since January. Go me!

So, I “gained” 0.8 lbs. Both my eating and exercising have been good (not perfect) this past week, so I’m allowing myself to be a little blasé about this. The scale says I’ve been pretty much maintaining since the beginning of August, but I’ve felt slimmer and more toned, so quite honestly, I’m not complaining. I also feel fitter and stronger. I haven’t measured in a few weeks, so maybe I’ll do that tomorrow morning to see whether I’m just imagining it all or whether I’m in fact toning up.

I had another encounter with my favorite Weight Watchers receptionist this morning and I swear, the next time she’s snotty to me I’ll be in her face. She’s this elderly, know-it-all woman who is just incredibly obnoxious. I ranted about her in the past. There are usually two receptionists who do the weigh in at the meeting location I go to, but today, the other one wasn’t there, so there was no way for me to avoid Ms. Obnoxious. She always mumbles so that you can’t hear her. I know she’s probably trying to be discreet about whether you lost or gained, but it’s still annoying. Whenever you gain, she’ll lecture you about how you need to drink more water and that’s so pretentious. I know that water weight is a major factor when it comes to what the scale says, but if there’s one thing I’m good at, then it’s drinking my water. I’ve told her that in the past because I don’t want anybody to make assumptions about my life and lecture me when they know nothing about me at all. But yet again, today she lectured me about how I need to drink more water. How rude is that? I know she’s trying to be helpful, but seriously lady, stop it with the judging and being helpful.

I didn’t bring any fruit to work today because I’m running out of. I’m already starting to get hungry and it’s at least another 1.5 hours till lunch. Need fooooooooooood!