Daily Wahnsinn

Two of my best friends are in town until Tuesday and today we met for brunch at Bubby’s in Tribeca. It was wonderful seeing familiar faces again and the food was amazing. We started off with an assortment of pastries (a nibble of  each banana bread, cinnamon bun, some jam filled pastry and a scone) and then I had eggs with toast and salad (instead of the fries). And in true NY brunch fashion, also a Bloody Mary.

It made me think: Only two months ago I probably would have felt ridiculously guilty over my choices. Sure, I didn’t get the pancakes (they looked amazing!!), but I did have all the baked stuff instead of saying no like I “should have”. And you know what? That’s BS. I made great food choices throughout the week and the rest of today. I exercised 6 times this past week, including a 10 mile run yesterday and then walking the 4.5 miles from the brunch spot home (and shopping, duh). 

I feel great. I look great. I’m enjoying myself. And it’s important that I acknowledge this. It’s about finding a balance and making this journey work for yourself and your situation. I think I’m finally getting there. 

Two more unrelated thoughts:

1. We saw Tim Tebow at brunch. I didn’t recognize him and I actually had no idea who he was to begin with. He’s HUGE! And actually kinda good looking in person. That said, I only noticed his mother’s (?) cast nose. Nose job, anyone?
2. Why does Lululemon have to be so ridiculously overpriced? I saw a cute skort at their store today but given the ridiculous little amount of fabric, $80 is crazy. That said, I might treat myself to it after the Brooklyn Half next month. ;o) 

Business dinner was held at Asellina tonight, which turned out to be a great choice. I ended up drinking two glasses of red wine and ate some dessert, yet I still stayed under the activity points I had earned yesterday and today. (My only motivation to go for a run this morning was that I’d be able to use the points I’d earn on a glass of wine tonight. So I did.)

I really liked the place. We went as a group and ordered a bunch of appetizers. I forewent the bread and cheese pizza, but picked the beet salad and eggplant instead. For my entree, I had goat cheese ravioli but overall portion sizes were small, which turned out a great thing. I realized again that I have absolutely no self control (well, little) when it comes to eating out. Almost everyone only ate half of their entree, whereas I cleared my plate. I do have to say that I ate less apps than everybody else and that I do feel more hungry on run days, however, 3/4s probably would have done too. Ugh. Why, lack of self control, why?

I am proud to say though that when we ordered dessert, I only had a taste of them and did not eat more than I should have. I wanted to. I really, really did. I think I mentioned before that I am a total dessert person. I love all things chocolate and cake and cookies. I have a sweet tooth. I can’t help it. But tonight I had a lot of self control during dessert. I tried everything, but did not have more than I should have. And I said no to the dessert wine.

I went 9 points over my daily (26 points) today, but I had earned 6 additional point during my run this morning and 11 additional points yesterday. It’s all good. I weigh in tomorrow and after a sort of meh weigh in last week, I’m obviously hoping for more this week. Let’s see how that goes.

Last night we went to Morimoto for dinner. It’s Masaharu Morimoto’s restaurant (from Iron Chef America) and kinda fancy. We were treated by a business partner, which is always a plus. I ate light for breakfast and lunch, so I didn’t feel bad about the two drinks and dessert. Portion sizes were kinda small, which was a good thing. One of the things I always struggle with is portion controlling myself, especially when I’m at a restaurant and I like what I’m eating. At home, I measure and pre-portion everything, i. e. I will only cook one serving of pasta to avoid eating more than I should or if I cook more than one portion, I immediately divide it and put the leftovers in the fridge/freezer. But when I go out, I have no self-control.

Morimoto is known for its seafood and meat dishes. I was well aware of this when I went and I had looked at the menu beforehand. There weren’t a whole lot of vegetarian options, so I asked the waiter to recommend me something. At one point, our dinner party started talking about vegetarianism and I explained why I don’t eat animals, how I get my protein, how I’m dealing with being restricted, how it was growing up in Germany as a vegetarian (Germany is not exactly known for its vegetarian dishes) etc. I usually don’t talk about these things unless asked because I don’t want to be the preachy kind of vegetarian. If someone asks me for my option, I will share it. I found that sometimes when mentioning that you’re a vegetarian, people can be jerks. (Just like preachy vegetarians can be jerks, it really goes both ways!) It makes me really uncomfortable if people, especially if it’s someone hosting me either at their home or at a restaurant, start apologizing for eating meat or for there not being millions of choices for me on the menu. Or if they ask all the time if they should order something special for me, do I want this or do I want that and should they order another side of whatever for me, am I really getting enough food? I don’t like it when people make a huge fuss out of my dietary restrictions. They are my choices and I’ve been a vegetarian for long enough that I’ve dealt with these situations numerous times before. I also don’t like being put in the spotlight and treated differently. I am perfectly capable of ordering for myself and if I don’t know what to get, I will ask a waiter for a recommendation or I will ask them if they can fix me some simple vegetables with something that is not meat or fish. I understand and appreciate that people want to be great hosts but fussing over me is not making it any better. Anyway. Thankfully, none of that happened yesterday and we simply had some nice discussions around vegetarianism and my choices.

Here’s a thing I have to admit and became crystal clear to me last night: I love fish and I miss eating it. I became a vegetarian when I was around 16 and ever since I’ve had on/off periods where I’d eat organic meat, other phases where I’d eat fish, then followed by very strict phases again. For a while I’ve been back to a very strict phase once more. I feel happy with my choices and I don’t feel like I’m missing out. I don’t need to eat random bits of pork or beef in my curry. I don’t crave beef burgers. Or random slices of meat on my plate. I don’t crave these things and I don’t miss them. Yesterday, when everybody was ordering fish, I remembered how much I used to like the taste and texture of it. I still do. I’ll be honest. While giving up meat was somewhat easy, giving up fish was not. I’ve had weak moments when I’d not go for the vegetarian sushi in the past. And last night I remembered that. I didn’t order and eat any fish, but for the first time in a really long time, I felt a bit of a struggle.

Why didn’t I just eat fish?

Well, the other day I started reading Eating Animals and one thing in the book really stuck with me. Obviously, there’s this whole dilemma of Why is it acceptable to eat cows but not dogs? I’d argue that they’re both equally cute, but unlike the dog, the cow is not seen as a companion that sleeps in our beds or sofas, that fetches something when we throw it. The line between which animals are OK for consumption and which stems mostly from our culture, but for me the message is the same. Why would I eat a fish but not a cow or a pig or a lamb? Just because the fish isn’t cute or intelligent? I don’t know. The ecological problems that come wish fishing are just as bad as mass meat production and if my motivation to not eat cows, pigs, lambs, etc. stems from ecological and environmental reasoning, then I need to show consistency and not eat the fish. The same goes with not eating animals because you don’t think it’s right. I don’t think it’s right to eat your neighbor’s dog. Hence I shouldn’t be eating my neighbor’s cow either. Or fish. No matter how much I like the taste.

Btw, I don’t consider myself a militant vegetarian at all. As I said, I try not to preach or convince other people to make my lifestyle choices, just like I don’t want others to force their choices on me. But am I the only one who hates the term pescetarian?