Daily Wahnsinn

Today was the first day off for my 4 day weekend and it was a busy one. I was barely online and am just about to head to bed, but beforehand I wanted to share something:

Today was a great day. I’m the kind of person who’s really hard on themselves, who easily beats themselves up over small mishaps and imperfections. I easily lose sight of how far I’ve come in favor of looking at how far I still have to go. 

Today I was reminded twice how incredible my journey has been so far, that I have a lot to be proud of and yes, how much I’ve achieved.

One of the things I’ve held off for a long time was spring cleaning my closet. The last time I did this was in April of 2011, shortly before I moved across the Atlantic. By then, I had already lost a significant amount of weight, so a lot of clothes had stopped fitting me. As I continued my weight loss in the US, clothes continued becoming too big (or I simply stopped liking them) but yet I never cleared my closet. Today was the day finally. 

There is a thrift store only a couple of blocks from my apartment and I decided I’d donate my old clothes to them. I’m not sure what they’ll be able to sell, the rest I believe they’ll throw away - I certainly would have. As I went through my closet, I was shocked just how much no longer fit. I ended up putting together two large of the blue IKEA bags, plus a third smaller bag. I’ve never had much clothing to begin with, but I was still surprised it was that much.

Seeing it, giving it away, almost felt like bidding farewell to the old me. The 60 lbs heavier me that I never want to be again. It was liberating. It was exciting. It made me proud. So incredibly proud. 

Later that day, I decided to pop in a workout DVD. I wasn’t in the mood to run, so I went for working out at home instead. I wasn’t quite sure what to do, so I poked around my DVDs and I stumbled across a DVD by Tanja Djelevic. I have a 30 and a 50 minute cardio-sculpt workout of hers. I hadn’t done these in years and the only thing I remembered was that the 30 minute workout was so hard, I never could finish it.

I decided to give the 50 minute workout a try and sure enough, the warm-up had me working up a nice heart rate (who does mountain climbers as a warm up exercise???) and by the time I was done, I was dripping in sweat. But I made it through the DVD. And while I felt it, I wasn’t so exhausted that I was about to collapse.

I felt amazing. 

The last time I tried the DVD, I couldn’t finish it. Now I could. And I probably could have gone longer if I had needed to. It made me realize again how far I’d come. Not just in the way my body looks, but also in the things my body can do now. The improvements to my fitness and health - I couldn’t help but smile very, very broadly. 

Today, I made myself proud.